her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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