Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
