i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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