Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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