We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
