she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
