May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
