dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
