I skipped work to stalk him.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
