I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize