i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
