just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
