There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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