i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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