Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
