I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
