Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
