I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
