just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize