if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
