Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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