I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
