Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
