Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
