Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
