Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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