the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
