I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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