i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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