Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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