Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
