well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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