You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
