This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
