I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i out mim tonsoeep
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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