we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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