my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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