New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
