@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize