I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
