he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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