All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
