Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
