Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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