in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
