I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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