Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
