my mouth tastes like poor choices
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
