I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
