Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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