I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
