doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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