I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
