if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
