if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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