At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
