What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
