I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
