I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
