I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
