i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
