there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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