If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
