I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
